I’ve been thinking about the concept of time lately.
How I battle this false internal narrative that there’s not enough of it. That I’ll run out. That the dreams won’t come to fruition “in time.”
My inability to remain present.
My constant obsession with racing the clock, penciling in, planning, ruminating, wondering, “what if-ing.”
Worrying. Will the life I’ve so meticulously illustrated for myself soon become a reality?
What if the “me” I’m pursuing is never the “she” this world knows? What if she doesn’t reach full blossom?
…
My ears are constantly ringing and my memories are weak. Not because I listen to Prince too loud or forget to take too many photos.
Because I’m always halfway checked out. On to the next. One foot out the door. Actively pursuing full bloom.
I’m like a barrel horse chomping at the bit.
Roaring to
go.
go.
go.
…
But then a rainstorm comes. And the heavens emerge and the wheat fields begin to whistle amongst the birds.
And I sit in stillness and I feel my heartbeat and I know that He has not led me astray. He has not laid desires on my heart to punish me or tease me or betray me.
He is stopping the clock. Subbing me in. One season after the next. He is walking alongside me, pulling, firmly, that wandering foot back to this side. To ground me. To hold me patient. To comfort and assure and promise and renew.
To say it’s ok. You’re ok.
Not a moment too soon and never a minute too late.
So sit with me. And be.
Friends, I encourage you to rest in the urgency. *Cough, cough* Enneagram 3s, I’m looking at you…
Hold on to that urgency. Value it. Nurture it. It means you have ambition, drive, grit, tenacity. It’s something to admire with great pride. But tonight, instead of chomping at the bit…just stop. listen to the rain. and know.
Gingerline Creative, LLC 